So today is a not so fun day.
Before i get into that, i will have you know i reached my short-term goal for Halloween, applause and pat on the back for that.
But, I also had a big time wake up call the day after which was yesterday. I am not putting 100% into my life. I am not "happy". Yes, i just got really personal.
I have always struggled with things like acceptance issues and neediness, body-image issues that have led to several very dysfunctional dietary behaviors, and have sought out help with alcohol, diet pills etc...
Recently, (over the last 4 years), i have done a pretty good job at eliminating toxic factors that equal up to disaster in my life. Such as, toxic people, hobbies, thoughts etc... But the reality is, it just isn't that easy.
I am still struggling.
I broke up with my boyfriend last night because I felt like the relationship really had gone nowhere and I knew that it was because the BOTH of us had a lot focusing and growing up to do and that is almost impossible to do when you are both in need of that FOCUS on yourself in order to achieve ANY sort of achievement and change in your present life.
I felt like alcohol always had to be involved in what we did. I don't drink everyday, or really ever but when i do with him, i play catch-up. He can drink MASSIVE amounts of alcohol, and i pretty much play along with him when we're together. Over the last 1.5 years of the relationship this has ALWAYS led to a fight of some sort. And the next day, I'm hungover, and completely pissed off at myself for giving in again.
Truth of the matter is, alcohol is NOT important to me, and NOT worth it anymore. It has held me back with my boot camp success and in everything else i need to focus on. Basically, i am not prepared to use it in modesty for celebration, or taste, it is a source of self-medication. Even if it is once a week, its still a problem.
I spent the whole day just moping around and just feeling like crap from the break-up, but i also know that time alone is important. I will not make it to boot camp today, because i want to use this day and night for personal planning and getting over this downer of a mood.
But, i have a plan. I know it will be difficult, and I know i will get lonely, exhausted,negative and all those good things at one point or another, but that's why i have this blog. An outlet to share, and conquer.
I will be conducting an experiment on myself:
The short term: (6 weeks)
No alcohol
Mostly raw food intake
Boot Camp 3x a week (www.fitmommybootcamp.com)
Interval Cardio on boot camp OFF days (Tue,Thurs,sat)
No Diet coke, ONLY WATER
Get SLEEP
Fit Into THIS:
White Chinese Laundry Mini-Dress
Long Term Goal (12 weeks):
No alcohol
Raw food intake
Boot Camp 3x a week
Interval Cardio (Tues,Thurs,sat)
Outdoor activity on Sundays (hiking,biking,running,etc..)
ONLY water (no diet coke)
Get Sleep at a regular hour each night
Finish a book
Sign up for Muddy Buddy
Learn Samba ;)
Already be back in school (and stick to it!)
Drop at LEAST 15 lbs of unhealthy, yucky, drunk, insecure, useless FAT.
Celebrate =) and love life.
Hey Linda, it's gonna be hard, I know u feel alone, and things are really tough, but it's ok, it all works out with a positive attitude and HARD WORK. Anything is possible. I'll meet u in the future - xoxo Linda Feb 2010
Dumping the boyfriend was a great loss of weight too...hahaha!
ReplyDelete